Nanostories

comic about achilles and his therapist
March 25, 2016

If you’re going to try to get to the root of your emotional problems, telling someone else about them may not always be the best idea. Whether that person be a therapist or priest or doctor or a good friend, spilling your beans to anyone about your personal issues can turn out to be at best a slippery slope, and at worst, well, who knows? In my opinion, if you go to someone else in a situation like this, you’d…

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warhol
March 8, 2016

Andy Warhol was a great artist. Did I say great? I meant con. After all, he did say “Art is what you can get away with.” And he sure got away with a lot! I mean, stacking those Brillo boxes! I’m sure Michaelangelo would have thought of that if they had had scouring pads back in sixteenth century Florence. And Leonardo da Vinci was going to make thirty exact copies of Mona Lisa, in different colors of course. But he…

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comic about Abe Lincoln history lesson
February 23, 2016

History books often overlook the fact that before he was the Great Emancipator, before he was the sixteenth president of the United States, Abraham Lincoln spent years in the minor leagues as one of the first and tallest voices in baseball. And this, remember, was even before the invention of radio, so you can imagine how good he was. But alas, eventually destiny and his country called, and Ole Abe began his journey that would lead him to Washington. And…

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comic about Washington and the truth
February 15, 2016

It goes without saying that a lot of the stories about our founding fathers and our presidents are apocryphal. Not only that, many of them are not even true. The father of our country accounted for his fair share of legends and fascinating stories, but he was certainly not alone in this area. For instance, it is widely believed that Benjamin Franklin flew a kite with a metal key attached to the string during a thunderstorm, and that lightning struck…

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February 5, 2016

Do you hear that sound? No? You wanna know why you don’t hear anything? It’s because that’s the sound of no hands clapping. And no hands are clapping for a very good reason. Because NOBODY CARES! Nobody cares if your goofy kid is on the honor roll at Podunk Middle School. Or if one of your precious darlings plays field hockey at Schmuckville Regional High School. You’re proud of your kids? Great! Tell THEM that you’re proud of them. You…

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comic about the pope and evolution
January 23, 2016

If you’ve watched any of the recent political debates, or for that matter, any political debates, how can you doubt that we humans are descendants of monkeys? Outside of a zoo, where else can you see so many creatures throwing poo at each other? Of course, being the superior beings that we are, we would never be involved with any activities that involve the ejaculation (pardon my use of such a disgusting word) of disgusting bodily fluids, unless of course…

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comic about hot and sexy skeleton
May 13, 2015

Now here’s a topic you don’t hear discussed every day, at least not in the boring circles where I spend most of my time: necrophelia. For you laymen and laywomen out there, that’s having sex with dead people. Now, now, wait, before you rush off in disgust, genuine or fabricated, let’s take some time to consider this subject objectively. Is it really necessarily beyond the pale? Okay, granted, one of you is probably going to be pretty pale, but is…

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comic about canine poetry reading
April 29, 2015

Dog farts. There, I said it. Isn’t it about time that we as a society come to grips with the important issue of canine flatulence? Oh sure, a lot of people just want to poo-poo this subject, but not me. I’ve been there. I’ve been in the trenches. And I’m not talking about the trenches in France during the Great War. Not to take anything away from the doughboys who suffered under the onslaught of German mustard gas, but have…

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comic about horse race funny finish
April 2, 2015

  They eat horses, don’t they? Personally, I don’t see the problem with eating horses. Hey, the French do it, n’est-ce pas? Now, there are a lot of things you can criticize the French for, but clearly cuisine isn’t one of them. Hey, that’s even a French word. Say what you will, but the French know food, and they know what to do with it. And you better believe if they serve you up some horse, they’re going to pair…

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comic about Adam has some doubts
December 24, 2014

This may be a touchy subject in some quarters, but I think there’s a fairly good chance that Adam was gay. Admittedly, we don’t know a heck of a lot about the ole boy, and what we think we know is somewhat sketchy and open to honest debate. Having said that, let’s look at the, for lack of a better word, evidence. The first thing that strikes me is that his best friend was a woman. Okay, she was his…

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comic about the chief loves jogging
December 22, 2014

I’m almost old enough to remember when the “jogging” craze took off. Suddenly every one was buying jogging shoes and jogging suits and joining jogging clubs. Of course, jogging was just running. But somehow, calling it jogging made it sound more appealing. Running was something you did when you were in a hurry, like when you were late for work or were being chased by a dog. Jogging, on the other hand, was the latest, hippest fad, like learning the…

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comic about three curious sniffing dogs
November 13, 2014

Do you think a cat would ever take the time or make the effort to study its own feces? Not bloody likely. They go into their little box, make a dump, bury it, and that, apparently, is that. No curiosity about the product of one of their most basic bodily functions, despite their alleged reputation for curiosity. No attempt to make an intellectual or scientific discovery that could advance the cause of their species or even change the world. No,…

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comic about brain in the office
September 5, 2014

Never go into a job interview unprepared. Always do your research ahead of time. Be ready to answer any questions they may throw at you, no matter how insane, irrelevant, or ridiculous they may sound. In fact, I have found that the best strategy is to answer an absurd question with an even more absurd answer. It shows them they are dealing with an original thinker, a maverick, someone who is willing to go way, way out on a limb…

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comic about a toast to drinking buddies
August 10, 2014

I started drinking early. Who could blame me? My mother drank, so I drank. This was back in the good old days when we didn’t have all this hysteria about what women should do or not do when they were pregnant. If a woman smoked, she smoked. If she drank, she drank. If she was pregnant, she was pregnant. And never the twain shall meet. Or something like that. So I imbibed my fair share of Shlitz, Jack Daniels, and…

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comic about the cow and the moon
July 23, 2014

We all thought mom was nuts when she told us about her stunt. I guess I should tell you right off the bat that mom drinks a little. And I don’t mean milk. The lady likes her cocktails, that’s all. So when she let us in on her plans, we all naturally thought she had been hitting the sauce a bit hard. I mean, really, jump over the moon? And this from a gal whose exercise program consisted of chasing…

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comic about sheep walk in their sleep
July 22, 2014

Let me state here and now that this idea that all of us sheep are just a bunch of followers is total bull crap. In fact, in my herd alone there are more than a few great leaders. But because of bigotry and discrimination, we don’t get a chance to demonstrate out leadership skills. We pretty much have to go along with the system. And in our case the system means that idiot shepherd, Ralph, and his psycho dog, Jake….

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comic about let them eat barf
July 13, 2014

Welcome to The Vomitorium! Just relax and make yourself at home. Our dedicated staff will take care of your every need. Our motto here at The Vomitorium is “You muss, we fuss!” We believe that nothing is more important than the health and comfort of our clients. When you arrive in the morning you’ll be whisked off to our luxurious breakfast room where you’ll spend an hour or two gorging on a seemingly limitless feast of eggs and a wide…

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comic about somebody's gotta do it
July 10, 2014

Okay, I feel terrible about it now. How could I not? But how could I have known things would turn out as bad as they did? ‘Bad’ is not quite the word I’m looking for. How about ‘fiasco’? No, that’s not quite strong enough. I think something along the lines of ‘unmitigated disaster’ would more accurately describe the series of events that occurred as a result of my carelessness. No, not ‘carelessness’. ‘Utter stupidity’ is a much better description of…

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July 9, 2014

Due to unforeseen circumstances the Senator is unable to be with us today. But he sends his regrets and hopes to return soon to answer any questions you may have about the recent unfortunate events. Until then I’d be happy to provide you with as much information as I have available to me at this time. So, let’s begin. Yes, Bob, you’re first, go ahead. That’s an excellent question. As far as I know, the sheep is doing fine and…

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comic about Whistler's mother-in-law
July 8, 2014

She was only supposed to be here for a week. “Is it okay if my mom comes to stay with us for a week?” my wife said. It’s been eight months. Eight long freakin’ months! How am supposed to work under conditions like these? The old bag convinced my wife to put the nix on my nude models. I’m an artiste for God’s sake! I’m supposed to use nude models. I deserve nude models! “It’s immoral,” her mother said, “it’s…

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comic about all the way to the bank
July 6, 2014

Oh sure, a lot of people think I have this amazing, glamorous job. I’ll meet someone at a party and they’ll naturally ask what I do. When I tell them, their reaction is usually somethng like: “Oh wow, what a great gig!” or “Hey, where do I sign up for a job like that?” or “You mean they actually pay you?”. But let me tell you, being a teller at a sperm bank isn’t all it’s cracked up to be….

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comic about Lone Ranger and Tonto
July 5, 2014

I guess a lot of people think we’re pretty good friends. That’s perfectly understandable. After all, our names have been linked for such a long time, it’s difficult to think of one of us without automatically thinking of the other. Now don’t get me wrong. The Lone Ranger is not a bad guy. He actually has quite a few redeeming qualities. But… how can I put this? I guess first I should tell you I’m one of the few people…

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comic about tales of turtle love
July 4, 2014

I knew things weren’t going to go well when she ordered the soup. Call me old-fashioned, but I’m not a big fan of cannibalism. They say to each his own. Well I say don’t eat your own. Anyway, there we were on our first and last date. I had only agreed to do this as a favor for my best friend. His cousin was in town, could I take her to dinner? Sure, why not? Maybe I would get lucky….

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comic about Humpty and his dump
July 3, 2014

Many people find bathroom humor inappropriate. And to them I offer my most heartfelt and insincerest apologies. I suppose we should just eliminate this type of humor all together? I’m sorry but you can’t just wipe it away as easy as all that. If you ask me, doing something like that would just plain stink. And I for one am not going to take it standing up. Whatever happened to life, liberty, and the pursuit of crappiness? Waste not, want…

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comic about all dogs go to college
July 2, 2014

You think it’s easy being a dog with a learning disability? Well, think again, bucko. It’s a real bitch, believe me. First of all, nobody believes it; even though three independent veterinarians confirmed the diagnosis. Secondly, they’ve got me on some drug that makes me absolutely crazy. The other day I started chasing my tail, which I’ve never done before. And you want to know why I was chasing it? I thought it was the UPS truck! And I don’t…

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comic about romancing the frog
June 30, 2014

“You know, for a frog, you have pretty cute legs.” “Really? Well, for a frog, I’d like to hear you croak and then see you croak.” “Aw, come on, I’d just like to get to know you. Can I buy you a drink?” “Sure, why not? I’ll have a glass of Chardonnay. And there better be a fly in it!” “You got it, baby. By the way, my name’s Kermit.” “Kermit? That’s pathetic.” “Don’t I know it. I’m afraid my…

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comic about the fall of Humpty Dumpty
June 29, 2014

I think we can all agree on certain facts of the case. We all know Humpty Dumpty was sitting on top of the wall. We’ve all seen the pictures many times. And we’ve also seen uncounted times the pictures of Humpty at the bottom of the wall. As gruesome as those are, we can’t help but stare at them. What happened next is also generally agreed upon. An undetermined number of the king’s men and the king’s horses (I’m not…

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comic about mother knows best
June 28, 2014

 When mom was elected President, I have to admit I had mixed emotions. Certainly there was a great feeling of pride knowing that my mother who had breastfed me for almost a week and had changed my diapers several times was now the leader of the free world. But freedom, my fellow Americans, is a thing of the past thanks to my mother. She had barely lifted her hand from the bible on inauguration day when she began to push…

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comic about gingerbread man caught
June 27, 2014

Fishing, now there’s an exciting sport. Of course, I’m talking exciting for the fish. For the guys in the boat, not so much. I’m convinced the fish are having more fun at this than we are. You put a worm on a hook and throw it in the water and what happens? I’d say about ninety-nine per cent of the time they nibble away and eventually eat all of the worm without even touching the hook. And if you’ve ever…

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comic about hanging out in the dungeon
June 25, 2014

It hit me like the proverbial lightning bolt from the blue. I was sitting on an examination table at my doctor’s office when he gave me the heart-breaking news. “Well, Bob, all of the tests have come back and every one of them confirmed our worst fears. I’m sorry, Bob, but you are ticklish. At first, I thought he was kidding. Like the time he got done checking my prostate and asked me if I wanted to keep the rubber…

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comic about office Jesus at work
June 24, 2014

We hired Jesus because we thought he would be a valuable addition to our team. Okay, that’s pure bullshit. You know it and I know it. We hired him because of his old man. I mean, when the big guy calls and says, “Hey, can you do me a favor and put my kid on the payroll?” what are you supposed to say? “Oh gee, God, I’m sorry but your kid’s hippie look might not fit in with a conservative…

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comic about when men drive
June 23, 2014

Most men instinctively know that nothing good can come from asking someone for directions. It’s clearly a sign of weakness. We always feel weak. Why would we want other people, especially other men, to know that? In fact, it’s been hushed up for decades, but that’s how World War II started. This Polish man was driving west one day (it happened to be September 1, 1939) and he got lost. Innocently enough, he pulled up next to a tank and…

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comic about chicken and his therapist
June 22, 2014

I hate to admit it, but I have some serious poultry problems. It all started out innocently enough. I thought it might fun to have a chicken or two. Some friends had told me how they started to raise a few chickens in their yard, and almost overnight they were getting free eggs. Or practically free anyway. Well, let me tell you, and you can quote me on this: there’s no such thing as free eggs. Oh sure, free eggs…

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comic about the good old days
June 20, 2014

Hey old people out there, quit complaining! We’re really getting tired of all your griping. You’ve got it made in the shade with all your freebies and everyone waiting on you hand and foot. Like meals on wheels. Meals on wheels! Is it really going to kill you to get off your bony butts and make yourself a sandwich? And please stop with the hard of hearing jive. We know you can hear us. You’re just not listening. And why…

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comic about the art of small talk
June 19, 2014

Surveys have found that one of the things people dread most in life is making small talk at a party. This is, of course, perfectly understandable. After all, when you meet a person for the first time, you don’t want to say something that might make you look like an idiot. Even if you happen to actually be an idiot, whose business is that anyway? Nobody’s. Especially not some schmuck’s you’ve just bumped into at a lamo party that you…

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comic about pump it up everybody
June 18, 2014

If you’ve been to the gym lately, you’ve probably noticed what I notice. The people that should be there, aren’t there. They’re at Wal-Mart pushing a shopping cart filled with twenty-pound bags of Doritos. And the people that are there shouldn’t be there, because their bodies are already so goddam perfect they should be in an art museum, not a gym. Which puts the rest of us in a rather awkward position. Do we dare show up at the gym…

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comic about pirates, pirates, everywhere
June 16, 2014

Have you noticed that pirates seem to be getting all of the good parking spots lately? Now, it’s one thing to provide adequate parking near the front door of an establishment for people who may have one handicap or another. But it’s quite another to allow certain sketchy individuals the opportunity to take advantage of the situation. Drive to your local Wal-Mart and you’ll see what I’m talking about. There you’ll see dozens of handicap parking spaces jammed with cars,…

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comic about philosophy of the vampires
June 15, 2014

Ah, now there’s the life! The life of a vampire! What could be better than that? Not that I’m an expert on the subject, but it seems to me that the vampire lifestyle sure beats the hell out of being a run-of-the-mill mortal. The first thing that strikes me is the diet. Don’t they basically get all of their daily nutritional requirements from drinking blood? So simple and convenient! I’m trying to think of all the vampire movies I’ve seen,…

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comic about nut allergies and allergy nuts
June 13, 2014

I’ve had it just about up to here with all this talk about peanut allergies. How do you think we feel? All these whiny kids and their whiny parents complaining about how Johnny or Susie almost got within a mile of some other kid who was eating a peanut butter sandwich. Let’s try to remember who the real victims are here. The peanuts! We’re the ones who are kidnapped from our families and shipped to God-knows-where and mixed in willy-nilly…

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comic about scare crow hates day job
June 7, 2014

How long have crows had to figure out this whole scarecrow scam? I’m guessing a hundred years? Two hundred years? I don’t know, maybe even longer. In any case, shouldn’t they have caught on by now? Every now and then you would think one of them would notice that the person standing in the field really doesn’t do anything when they land nearby. Even if they try to eat some of the corn or whatever, the scarecrow  just stands there…

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comic about accordion music rocks
June 6, 2014

You just don’t hear much accordion music anymore. When I was growing up, you couldn’t throw up in a bar without splashing some guy on the accordion playing Tony Orlando’s greatest hit. Of course that was on the southwest side of Chicago where any hand-me-down accordion was considered one step above a Stradivarius. Not that we knew exactly what a Stradivarius was. We knew it had something to do with music and it sounded fancy. But it couldn’t possibly be…

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comic about junk drawer chronicle
June 5, 2014

This is one of my favorite cartoons.  Not only is it a pretty good gag, if I do say so myself, but I have a fondness for its simplicity. But beyond that I like the way it pretty much encapsulates how I feel about life in general. Isn’t that the way we all start out? We are all alone (usually) in a sort of a drawer known as a womb. But it’s not long before we begin to be gradually…

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comic about lemmings visit Eiffel Tower
June 4, 2014

I would love to be a lemming. It has always been my dream, actually my obsession, to go through life never having to make a decision. Wouldn’t that be great? And isn’t that what it’s like for lemmings? Except of course for the first guy in line. I’m not sure how they decide who’s first in line. Does someone volunteer? Do they vote on it? Draw straws? I suppose it really doesn’t matter. Somehow one of them ends up in…

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comic about mice on the golf course
June 1, 2014

Whenever you use a mouse or mice in a cartoon, you automatically picture the greatest cartoon mouse, perhaps the greatest cartoon character of all time, looking over your shoulder. I speak, of course, of none other than the iconic Mickey Mouse. We all know that a vast, some might say evil, entertainment conglomerate worth untold billions has descended from that humble little animated rodent. How can this be explained? Okay, he’s cute, but not that cute. I think Winnie the…

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comic about beans and the hot tub
May 30, 2014

Is there any genre of humor that has been more overdone than fart jokes? I don’t think so. Even the old reliable “man getting hit or kicked in the nuts” hasn’t been done to death the way flatulence has. After all, it’s still generally acceptable that you can do variations of fart humor even with an audience of rather young children, say kindergarten or even a little younger. Whereas a painful shot to the private male parts is probably appropriate…

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comic about mafia pinch-hit man
May 29, 2014

What is it with our love affair with the mafia? Or at least with mafia movies and television shows? The Godfather, Goodfellas, The Sopranos, and on and on. The American people can’t seem to get enough of them. One theory is that it’s the violence. We definitely are a gun-packing, football-loving, Nascar-crashing, WWF-ing nation. Or it could be that all of these movies and shows always come down to family. Somewhere in every one of these story lines we all…

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comic about cheap funeral choices
May 27, 2014

As we all know, there are a lot of cheap people out there. Even when it comes to the internment of their loved-one’s remains. Why should they waste their hard-earned money on an expensive casket, or even a somewhat cheaper urn? That’s why they go to Al’s. Then all they have to do is make that simple everyday decision and they’ve saved a bundle, and who knows, maybe even the planet.

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comic about it's a dog's house
May 26, 2014

Today’s cartoon deals with the conundrum of all pet owners: who’s in charge here? Whether it’s dogs or cats or parrots or rats, there is the never-ending struggle for supremacy, for the alpha position, for the big cheese. Usually the best we humans can hope for is a draw, but most of the time we end up with the short end of the stick, or chasing the stick, or getting poked with the stick. And if we’re really, really lucky,…

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comic about Prince Hamlet's refrigerator
May 25, 2014

Okay, so they didn’t have refrigerators way back when in Denmark. But they could have. The play is fiction, right? Or is the play the thing? Anyway, our good ole boy Hamlet would have to keep a list of things he needed to do even if he could never decide what to put on the list. Or not put on the list. Or not put on the not to do list. Or… oh well, got to go now. Poor Yorick…

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comic about lawyer parents-to-be
May 24, 2014

What can we say about lawyers? We vilify them, we make fun of them, we call them all sorts of names, yet they’re still here. Oh well. We cartoonists and comedians should just give thanks for a reliable source of material, as long as we’re careful not to go to the well too often and run it dry. If that’s even possible. So anyway, if two married lawyers were going to have a kid, there had to be only one…

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comic about Salvation Army knife
May 23, 2014

Never bring a Swiss blade to a switch blade fight. I made that mistake once. It was in our high school production of West Side Story. I was one of the Jets. Well, we started to rumble and soon I heard one or two of the Sharks starting to laugh. Then more and more of them, and pretty soon even all of the Jets were laughing at me. I hadn’t been that humiliated since I appeared without my codpiece in…

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comic about this dog means business
May 21, 2014

It’s a dog eat dog world, and it’s especially true in the business world. So why not hire a dog to give you that extra advantage. I think the idea for this cartoon came about as I was walking my old dog, who ironically was female, but who would sometimes lift her leg to pee. It got me thinking why do dogs do that? And that eventually tied in with the world of business, where people in one sense or…

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comic about say yes to the beer shirt
May 19, 2014

They say everyone should have a hobby. And, of course, everyone should have a purpose in life. So why not combine the two? If you’re going to reach for the stars, go ahead and reach for something cold and tasty at the same time. Don’t be afraid to stretch yourself or your clothing. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to drink and you can give him a life filled with…

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comic about desert dog finds relief
May 18, 2014

It is a well-known fact that dogs love to drink out of the toilet. And I personally don’t buy their excuse that they do it because they are “thirsty”. A lot of dogs will walk right by a dog bowl filled with perfectly good water and head straight for the bathroom and a chance to dive into the toilet. One theory is that their owner’s “scent” is on the toilet, and that attracts them. That’s plausible but too disgusting to…

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comic about best weight loss program
May 16, 2014

A very wise person, I think it was Mahatma Gandhi, once said, “you can never be too rich or too thin”. Now let’s be honest, the chances of any of us becoming rich is pretty remote. It just ain’t gonna happen. But thin! We can all be thin. And if we put our minds to it and think positive and work very hard, we can become really, really thin. Breathtakingly thin. Scary thin. No need to even get out of…

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comic about where's Waldo? Who cares?
May 15, 2014

Where’s Waldo? It should be more like, who’s Waldo?? Have you taken a look at this guy? He seems to be about fifteen years old, but the dude is carrying a cane. A cane! And it’s clearly an old person’s cane. What’s up with that? My theory is that one day some old guy actually did find Waldo, so Waldo beat the guy and took his cane. And how about Waldo’s “girlfriend”? She’s a real piece of work too. Not…

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comic about the stinker or Rodin redux
May 14, 2014

One day I was sitting in the smallest room of my house pondering a question that had been inside of me for a long time: how could I combine great art with scatalogical humor? And, voila! This little masterpiece came out. I quickly reached for some paper to write it down. That, unfortunately, didn’t turn out so well. Luckily the atmosphere of that tiny room had left a strong impression on all of the senses, but in particular the olfactory….

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comic about realities of cell dating
May 13, 2014

We met, ironically enough, in a petri dish. I say ironically because she was such a dish! I had never seen such beauty, such curves. But then, I must admit, I don’t get out much. Well anyway, we hit it off right from the get-go. It seems like we were inseparable from the very beginning. We liked a lot of the same things. Simple things, like swimming, just floating around like we didn’t have a care in the world. We…

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comic about burning both ends
May 11, 2014

Every one is so busy! Really? Doing what? Basically, telling everyone else how busy they are. Gotta finish up this brilliant blurb on Twitter so I can get on Facebook and load some pictures showing, in fact, PROVING how busy I am. See, there I am in college. I think that’s my dorm room, or somebody’s dorm room. And those are just some of my many friends. Wish I could remember their names. My God we were busy back then….

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comic about Ziggy and Charlie meet
May 10, 2014

 I’ve always believed that the best comic or cartoon characters are losers. Don’t we just love to laugh at them? And aren’t we all losers in one way or another? Charlie Brown falls for that sadistic little tramp Lucy’s trick of pulling the football away every time! And Ziggy, well there may not be a bigger schmuck anywhere. But you just have to love the guy. There’s something incredibly endearing about a character who indiscriminately leaves the house without pants….

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comic about highly educated parrot
May 9, 2014

The best thing about being a pirate is that you get to have a parrot. And not just one you keep in a cage and look at and talk to once in a while. You get to walk around everywhere with it on your shoulder! How great is that? “Hey, Steve, good to see you again. Sorry about the peg leg, and the hook and the eye-patch.” “Oh, I don’t mind all that. Look at my cool parrot! The dude…

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comic about Olive Oyl and Popeye
May 8, 2014

How often do you see a couple and think “what the hell does she see in him?” or, of course, the other way around, “man, what’s he thinking?” That’s how I feel about these two. I mean, Olive Oyl? She has to be the original Twiggy, without the nice rack. And Popeye. How many characters are there out there where you say, “Gee, Robin Williams maybe isn’t so bad looking.” But there might, in fact, be a logical reason to…

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comic about if they build it… they did!
May 6, 2014

We build monuments to honor people. Why don’t we do the same for words? Isn’t speech one of the greatest gifts we humans possess? Isn’t our ability to communicate using thousands and thousands of different words what separates us from the lower animals? And IF has to be one of my favorite words. Such a tiny word, only two letters, and yet so many sentences of regret and hope and yearning and love have begun with that word. “If only…

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comic about Jersey Shore Announcement
May 5, 2014

There once was a time, almost a century ago, when American culture was represented by the wit and intelligence of such people as Dorothy Parker, Harold Ross, George S. Kaufman, Robert Benchley and other members of the Algonquin Round Table. The group met for lunch at the Algonquin Hotel in New York in the 1920’s and became known for their wit and brilliant use of the American language. They were writers, actors, critics, editors and columnists, many of whom made…

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comic about right person for the job
May 4, 2014

Not satisfied with your job? Tough. Not seeing any room for advancement? Boo hoo. Not being given a position commensurate with your abilities and qualifications? Nobody cares. Got a no-show job that is so boring that even not showing up has become overwhelmingly tedious? Now that’s something to worry about. Not showing up is a challenge. It is, if done properly, a great art form. Some of our greatest leaders and thinkers have excelled at no-show jobs, but only after…

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comic about one jealous number
May 3, 2014

 Are you one of the many millions who suffer from math anxiety? Do you freak out when you’re faced with even the most basic math problem? Do you run to the restroom when the check comes at dinner, not because you’re a cheap bastard and want someone else to pay, but because you panic at the thought of trying to calculate the tip? Have you ever lied about your age, not because of vanity, but because adding a one to…

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comic about little bit of chess love
April 30, 2014

I never was much of a chess player. It always seemed so pointless. Especially the end of the game. You “capture” the king and that’s it. You don’t actually do anything to the king. You go through all that trouble, racking your brain trying to look three or four moves in advance, or if you’re more like me, trying to remember how all of the different pieces move, and then what happens? You say “checkmate” and shake hands. Pardon my…

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comic about riding shotgun to funeral
April 28, 2014

I’m sorry, but stiffs should be seen and not heard. That’s my opinion, anyway. Maybe it’s because I work in a morgue, or maybe it’s just because I’m sort of a quiet guy myself, but I just don’t like a lot of unnecessary chatter going on. If you’ve got something important or relevant to say, then fine. If not, then just zip it. When a client arrives in a body bag (yes, we call them clients), the first thing we…

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comic about hooker meets teacher
April 22, 2014

If there’s one thing a lady of the evening up with which should not have to put is a stickler for grammar. It’s tough enough for a woman to make it as a successful entrepeneur in these hard times without having some John, or for that matter, Tom, Dick, or Harry, questioning the way she uses the Queen’s English. And if you’re looking for a queen, buddy, try the next corner. That ain’t my scene, man. I mean that is…

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comic about bears and bathroom advice
April 9, 2014

Ah, here we go again with bathroom humor. If a bear shits in the woods, I know I won’t have to hear it. You know how bad it is when you’re sitting in a public restroom, say in an airport, and two guys on either side of you are competing in the fart olympics? All you want to do is get this over with so you can make your flight, and these two morons have been saving this up since…

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comic about Richard "Dick" Nixon
April 5, 2014

This is hard for me to say, but I miss Dick. It’s not easy to put into words what he meant to me. Certain people come into your life at certain times and your life is never the same again. It happened when Salieri heard Mozart for the first time. It happened when Donald Trump came under the spell of his hairdresser. It happened when the Captain met Tennille. And it happened when Richard Milhous Nixon shook my world in…

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comic about cat talk about relationships
March 17, 2014

I have to admit that I have never owned a cat. Not that there’s anything wrong with living with a pet of the feline persuasion if that’s the particular road you’ve chosen to go down. The problem I have is that all of the real life cats that I’ve come across never match up to cartoon cats of my acquaintance. One of the most annoying, if not outright nasty, features of a real cat is the litter box. I know…

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comic about death visits the therapist
March 10, 2014

Okay, I know I’m not the most popular guy around. But, hey, I’m not trying to be. I got a job to do, that’s all. You think this is a piece of cake? Well, try it someday. Or preferably, some night. See, that’s part of the problem right there. I usually do my best work at night. Try sneaking up on someone during the day looking like me. Don’t get me wrong, I get the job done, day or night….

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comic about job hunting cave man
March 7, 2014

You think it’s easy being a cave man? First of all, we really don’t like the term ‘cave man’. We prefer ‘persons of cave’ or ‘stoned dwellers’. Obviously we aren’t all men, and caves aren’t the only places where we reside. I have plenty of friends who live in mud huts. And don’t you dare call them ‘mud hutters’. They hate that. And, of course, there are a few guys here and there still living in trees. They generally don’t…

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