All Dogs Go To College

comic about all dogs go to college

All Dogs Go To College

You think it's easy being a dog with a learning disability? Well, think again, bucko. It's a real bitch, believe me. First of all, nobody believes it; even though three independent veterinarians confirmed the diagnosis. Secondly, they've got me on some drug that makes me absolutely crazy. The other day I started chasing my tail, which I've never done before. And you want to know why I was chasing it? I thought it was the UPS truck! And I don't even have brown fur! See what I'm talking about? Sure, I've learned to sit and stay, but at what price? I haven't peed in the house in weeks, but now I chew my nails almost non-stop. I can roll over on command, but I can't sleep at night. I keep thinking someone's going to take my favorite toy if I nod off for even a minute. What kind of life is that for anyone, let alone a dog? I mean, sleep is about ninety per cent of a normal dog's life. We love to sleep. We were born to sleep. But now I just pace the floors, night and day, like... like... like some caged animal! It's just not right I tell you! Give me my old life back, I beg of you. Sure, I was dumber than dirt, but I was happy. I ask you people, do you want a smart dog or a happy dog? We weren't put on this earth to be four-legged Einsteins. We weren't meant to be rocket scientists. We were meant to fetch rocks or sticks or squirrels or whatever else you humans want to throw. I like to eat. I like to pee and poop. I like to lick myself. I like to sleep. That's about it. If you want someone to pass the bar exam or fix your computer, I'm not your man. But if you want someone to lie around the house all day, then jump up and go absolutely bananas when you walk in the door, I am totally and unabashedly and forever, your dog.