And You Can Quote Me

And You Can Quote Me

Due to unforeseen circumstances the Senator is unable to be with us today. But he sends his regrets and hopes to return soon to answer any questions you may have about the recent unfortunate events. Until then I'd be happy to provide you with as much information as I have available to me at this time. So, let's begin. Yes, Bob, you're first, go ahead. That's an excellent question. As far as I know, the sheep is doing fine and should be released from the hospital in a few days. Next question. Marjorie? I have not spoken personally to the Senator's wife, but she has released a statement that she's "cool with the situation" and I think we should accept that. Denise, I think you were next. No, I haven't seen the photos you speak of, but as you know nowadays with photoshop and what not, someone with a grudge or ill will could make even Jesus look guilty of something unsavory. Not that the Senator would want to drag Jesus into this, but as you all know He and the Senator are very close. I think I only have time for a couple more. Peter, I think you had your hand up. No, I can categorically deny any involvement of gerbils. Period. Yes, the same goes for ferrets. Okay, I'm afraid we need to rap this up. I'll take one more. Yes, Frank? No! Absolutely not! You know very well that the Senator is allergic to cumquats. Thank you ladies and gentlemen. I hope I was able shed some much-needed light in these dark times. And God bless the United States of America!