Lone Ranger and Tonto

comic about Lone Ranger and Tonto

Lone Ranger and Tonto

I guess a lot of people think we're pretty good friends. That's perfectly understandable. After all, our names have been linked for such a long time, it's difficult to think of one of us without automatically thinking of the other. Now don't get me wrong. The Lone Ranger is not a bad guy. He actually has quite a few redeeming qualities. But… how can I put this? I guess first I should tell you I'm one of the few people who have seen him without his mask on. In fact, I pretty much see him every night like that. After we've dealt with the bad guys all day, we retire for the evening and the Ranger removes his mask in order to "give his face a rest". Well, that may be a relief for him, but for me? Oh, what the hell. The dude is UGLY! There, I said it. If he finds out I said it and decides to put a silver bullet through my head, so be it. I just had to get it off my chest. All these years I had to suffer through this. You have no idea what it's been like having to stare at that mug night after night. He didn't wear that mask to protect himself from some sort of retribution from the outlaws or anything like that. He wore it to keep from scaring our freakin' horses! One look at that pathetic puss and those horses would have taken off for Mexico or Canada or Siberia. And how silly would we look running after cattle rustlers and murderers and saloon hookers on foot? So I've stuck it out and kept my mouth shut all these years. And, kemosabe, if you read this, I hope I haven't hurt your feelings. At least I didn't mention your breath. Oops.