Nut Allergies & Allergy Nuts

comic about nut allergies and allergy nuts

Nut Allergies & Allergy Nuts

I've had it just about up to here with all this talk about peanut allergies. How do you think we feel? All these whiny kids and their whiny parents complaining about how Johnny or Susie almost got within a mile of some other kid who was eating a peanut butter sandwich. Let's try to remember who the real victims are here. The peanuts! We're the ones who are kidnapped from our families and shipped to God-knows-where and mixed in willy-nilly with a bunch of other peanuts who we may or may not know. And what is our fate? Well, some of us are slow roasted. That's right, slow roasted! What is this, the Spanish Inquisition? After that, we're stuffed into a bag or a can, sealed in complete darkness for who knows how long until someone gives us a brief taste of freedom, and then... well you know the rest of that story. But those are the lucky ones. At least they have the dignity of remaining whole peanuts right up until the end. But the other ones, those poor pitiful souls are dumped into a huge vat by the thousands or millions, and ground and ground and ground into oblivion. Oh the humanity! And they end up in a jar somewhere, or to be more accurate, parts of them end up spread out in an untold number of jars, turned into a disgusting, oily goop most likely to be mixed together with another pile of corn syrupy goop known as jelly. So let's not hear any more about so-called allergies from you sadistic bastards. We may be nuts, but it is you who are the nutjobs.